A lot of parents shout at their children, with the expectation that it gets them to comply with what they want or need them to do. Truthfully, that is not an effective medium of discipline.
Most times parents get super frustrated at the things these children do, and get stressed out because of them. At those times, we just want to vent our anger at their actions; it could be as a result of a child crying persistently for something you do not want to give to the child, or dealing with a disobedient child, or correcting a rebellious child.
It really could be anything and these things could be quite frustrating. Parents believe and see yelling as the easiest and normal response to the frustration meted out by their children. However, these children don’t even know the frustration we face as adults.
As a parent, I believe you don’t always feel good about yelling at your kids. Yelling at them is an expression of your inability to control yourself your emotions.
If I am well able to manage my emotions, I shouldn’t be caught yelling at my children, or yelling at anyone for that matter. This actually applies to everyone, whether children or even grown adult. The truth is, no one loves to be shouted at, and many just prefer to be spoken to in an appropriate manner.
Here are some of the effects of yelling at children:
It affects the psychology of the children; they begin to believe yelling is the way to truly relate in certain circumstance, and they begin to process information in a much different way, thinking yelling is the way to truly relate in certain circumstance. They begin to process information as though whenever they are to react in such similar circumstance, they are to yell as well. For instance, in my own case, it got to a point then that my son will not answer me until I yell at him. That wasn’t a good sign at all. He was beginning to see it as the order of things.
Yelling at your children is synonymous to teaching them how to also yell and react the way you are doing. You are simply teaching them, indirectly, that some circumstances require yelling if they want to get someone else’s attention. I noticed this when my son began to tend towards yelling at his sister to get her attention.
Children don’t listen to you when you yell. Rather, they drift away from you, because at that point, you look scary to them. This is why you see some children tend to freeze, run away or fight back when they are yelled at. For my son, he always wants to fight back when I shout at him. Yelling affects the child, and his or her bond with you. If yelling becomes consistent. It will also affect the way he relates with others
You may feel like you are disciplining them, but there are better ways of instilling discipline in children. It’s easy to be a parent, but to be a really good one, can be quite difficult. This is why we need to keep equipping ourselves with knowledge, and asking God for help as we go on.
Learn to slow your reaction, and stop yelling at your kids. Model self-regulation to your children. If you need your children to behave, then you have to behave as well, and do it first. Be on top of your emotions. You can yell at a child to warn the child, and guide him from obvious danger but cultivate the habit of speaking to explain to them.
Understand that your children are not willingly trying to frustrate you. As a matter of fact, they don’t know they are frustrating you. So quit feeling like they are deliberately hurting you.
Train yourself to quit yelling, except for crucial situations where your child might get hurt.
Focus on yourself and your reactions. Choose to be in control, and take time out to calm down when your child gets on your nerves. Tell yourself your child is just being a child, and that he or she doesn’t even understand what is happening to you.
Remember, there are no second chances at parenting. If you blow it up, you can’t go back and start all over again. You live with the consequences. So, you must get it right now.
Thank you for this, it’s really timely