Hiya sugar! It’s been a minute and a day. How you doing? (In Wendy Williams ‘voice). I’m back today to gist with you about my rat race journey to anywhere in the world but Nigeria.
I’m on the growth pathway, becoming intentional about my life (I used to raise cynical brows 🙄 when I hear people just throw the word “intentional” about on social media like Monday Motivations et al., and say ‘intentional’ because it is the trending word and you gotta be using those kind of words to show you are in the game🙄🙄)Yeah, right.
So it really did not hold much meaning for me. But now, I know better, I see better, I’ve learnt better and I’m INTENTIONAL about my thought process, my relationships, my daily activities, my spirituality and my LIFE in general.
A couple of months ago, I was on the never-ending rat race outta Naija. It’s quite sad that teeming, vibrant youths overflowing with latent potentials are leaving Nigeria every day out of frustration at a system that seems to be in the rut.
I don’t blame them because I was once on this journey too. Right now, however , I’ve fallen out of that race, and I’ve passed the baton on to the next person on the tracks.
I’ve quietly eased out , and I’m just observing from the bench to see who emerges as the winner. In fact ehn, even as I write, I have left the field and I’m on my way to my beach house to write my novel (in my mind o, but happening very soon lol) .
On that desperate quest to leave the shores of the country, I shut my eyes to opportunities, giftings, purpose and my place in God’s grand scheme of things.
I was all about being able to take a picture in boots, taking selfies in the snow and holding my boys as we smiled into the camera with a grin.
I had practiced for years, it was not a grin of “Look mama, we made it”. It was simply a grin of “Look people, did you think I won’t take pictures in the snow too?”
Looking back in retrospect, it was simply me in a competition with other people, desiring validation from the world and equating success with ‘travelling out’. Oh my!😥. What a waste of time and misplaced priorities.
My husband frustrated my dream of travelling, to the point where I resented him for it. I was so angry with him for not supporting my dream and desire for a better life.
He was so insistent on God not revealing it to him that I always felt like giving him a good slap. I was envious of the fact that he was doing well in his career in terms of the network he was growing, the knowledge he was acquiring and the relevance he was delivering in his sphere of influence. He was a historian, turned banker turned tech business expert. He was thriving while I sat there getting fat, frustrated, resentful, ungrateful and cynical.
What made matters worse for me was that my sister had moved overseas and she kept nudging me to try, take the exams, evaluate my certificate etc. Her husband kept asking if I was praying hard enough, if I wasn’t talking about my travel plans with everybody but rather seeking God in prayer and fasting.
Omo, those words were like switches that when turned on became a force that propelled all of my feelings of desperacy into new waves of anxiety, despair and fear. There was this constant dread that I was not going to amount to much if I was stuck in Nigeria.
Unknown to me, I was feeding my fears with so much power, giving the devil and his cohorts too much room to feast on my mind. I didn’t even know I was in a rat race. All I knew was that I was qualified to travel and I wasn’t being selected.
The cut off mark was just having a jolly ride with me. Every two weeks, I eagerly waited with so much hope, for when the next batch will be called. On the day they call the next batch, I’m usually just 1 or 2 marks shy.
Then, paranoia sets in and I keep asking in bewilderment, is it the soft work of my village people or is it because I told Sade or Deji or Afusat? I tried to rationalize everything and prayed in fear all those times.
I had a friend desperate, who was as desperate a I was, kindle the flames of hopelessness. We shared notes on how useless the country was and how empty our lives were. I’m so grateful I’ve left it all behind. I’m done with all that, so done.
So now what I simply do is shed off every feeling of anxiety about my life and how it will pan out. I say affirmations daily now assured that I will not play small on the world’s stage. I’m beginning to find peace in this growth process, I’m holding on to God’s hands tighter now.
I am not dragging him towards me. Rather, I’m moving closer to him. I seek His revelation for my life daily and ask Him to grant me wisdom for my daily living. I still get a little scared but I snap out of it faster now. I don’t wallow in it and gather my friends( anger, disdain, anxiety and fear) for a weekly meeting any more. They don’t even know where I live again. I’ve moved on to greater heights.
I’m reconstructing my reality to embrace God’s total hand in it. No more waiting on the Angel to stir the pool of Bethesda so I can get my much anticipated healing. The Express Entry Pool ain’t got nothing on me no more.
I was measuring my life by the tape of a world that observed us with amusement and a self- centered goal. They simply are in it to grow their country to greater heights. Those of us in the express entry pool are merely a means to a predictable end.
What we however fail to remember is if we leave God out of the scene, our end is unpredictable because the devil can toy with our lives as much as he so desires. If the only constant in the equation of our existence is removed, then we will never have a balance.
We are not here at such a time as this simply to live a better life. We have a great life in him already !! Do I have a witness? Yes! Strive to touch the lives of those you come in contact with, rescue them from oblivion, open their eyes to see themselves as God sees them, train them, teach them, show kindness, be humble and never take your life for granted.
That in essence is Purpose . We should focus on living a life of purpose any where we find ourselves in the world and we should endeavor to say about our life, I will be anywhere He wants me to be.
Till another time sugar, stay winning 😘
Written by Lady D