Several years ago, I was in the place where I bickered a lot about my bestie not calling me, not checking on me, not responding to my messages quickly. I nagged about being the only one who reached out . We had these pockets of drama here and there over these things.
I was the producer and director of the drama episodes and my friend was my cast and crew ( I hope she does not have data to read this right now
Now, let me throw in a little back drop of that time of my life.
I was a mum of two young children; I was constantly overwhelmed and trying to make sense of my life. I mostly felt like I was in a location I shouldn’t have spent over 1 year in. I wanted more career wise.
It was a time where I depended on my husband for every financial need. The only bank account I had at the time was the one I opened during my NYSC days.
I constantly carried a sense of neediness. Here was the problem: When you carry a sense of neediness and brokenness, you project it on everyone in your life and most of the time you are not even aware of it.
They may not be staying away intentionally, but you are just emitting energy that puts them off. Plus, you’re really not bringing value on board. You’ve brought nothing to the table.
I wasn’t bringing value to the friendship. It was constantly all about me, and how my calls were not being returned. This is an unintentional put off, and as long as you keep carrying on like this, you will always be in a place where it constantly seems nobody cares; a place where they are always put off by your attitude. Same applies for people in abusive relationships and single ladies who always attract married men and time wasters.
Let me dedicate a paragraph or two to ladies out there who really deserve better. That cycle of attracting the wrong men is a response to a brokenness you don’t even know you carry. You’ve convinced yourself that a man is your rescue, and that’s the place where you act like a man is doing you a favour.
Darling, you’ve turned the tables wrongly! Lets slide into Proverbs.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. “
Proverbs 18:22 KJV
Did you see that? You are the good thing. You are a favour trigger. Get off your lane of neediness. You are a helpmeet!
You have the capacity to support and help nurture his dreams. You are the jackpot. Sit with yourself, and reach far into your life and deal with why you’ve been trapped within the limiting walls of this wrong mindset.
You might be sitting on events in your life that have conditioned your thinking wrongly. We will deal with that in-depth in another post, but this was just a bonus for any single lady out there who needed this right now.
Fast forward to years later, I grew out of that place of neediness. Today, my friend and I both bring solid value into each others life. We go weeks sometimes without speaking, but when we do, its ever such a chain of moments filled with bursts of light!
When we exchange voice notes they are charged with love that is pure and undiluted. I can beat my chest to that! We haven’t seen each other in a long while, and we are currently on different continents but we are both in a good, good place.
(By the way, I love voice notes. If our friendship will work you gat to love em too
I don’t remember the last time I felt like oh she didn’t check on me today and have that sorry feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Look around you, and at the friendships you admire. What do you notice about them? Both parties or all parties are bringing value to the table.
Now this is not about being friends because of what you can get, but about being in a healthy place where one person is not sitting on some high horse, feeling entitled and not lifting a finger to contribute to the friendship.
If someone is not being available to you, stop acting like they are your oxygen. See yourself as one who bears so much good. When you are a person of value, you will no longer be the needy one.
You may feel you have nothing to give, but that’s not true if you look beyond giving money. Your friend may have had this back-to-back season of demanding work, that is beginning to tell on her relationship with her husband.
You may have older kids or extra help around your house, and can offer to watch her kids so she can go on a weekend getaway with her husband.
You may not have given her money, but you have become a part of solving a problem. When you do this, from the sincere place of wanting to meet a need, you will lose your sense of neediness and before long, friends who are mostly users will be repelled by the new force field you wield.
Written by MeekayWrites