During my diploma days, one of the courses I studied was conflict management and resolution. It was majorly about disputes within the workplace, and organisations with different interests.
Going further on my marital counseling journey, I have discovered that there are lots of similarities between conflict management and marital counseling. One of such is that some conflicts can’t be resolved, but managed!
A lot of couples don’t know this or accept this fact. This is why you will find some couples living with bitterness and hurt. At the end of the day, both parties in the marital union will end up enduring the relationship, rather than enjoying the relationship.
Conflicts can either be resolved or managed. Being on top of it is knowing how to categorise the kind of conflicts that exist between you and your spouse, and cultivating the right mindset toward it.
For example, your husband comes home late every night. You have spoken about it with him, and he has sincerely tendered his apology several times; yet he doesn’t seem to change. You know the source of your anger is seeing him come home late every day, and despite your desire to happily welcome him home, you end up angry at him.
In this kind of scenario, what do you think or feel is the best way this conflict can be resolved or managed? Note that you have spoken about it several times, and he keeps apologizing and talking about the office workload and traffic.
On the flip side, you might also be entertaining dangerous thoughts of him probably seeing someone else and all of that. But the main issue here is his coming home too late at night after work!
What can a wife do in this kind of situation?
1. Understand that you can’t control or determine how someone else behaves. You can only influence their behaviour. Decisions to change rest on individuals, and as long as you know and accept this, nobody has the power to control your mood or your life.
2. Entertain healthy thoughts about the situation, regardless.
3.No matter what your fears are, let him know you care about his safety, you desire to spend more time with him, and whatever your reasons might be for wanting him to come back home early.
4.He can have extra keys or access to all doors (if he doesn’t) so he can come into the house without disturbing anyone.
5.Put him and the situation in prayers! Yessss. Some people don’t want to hear this, but take it or leave it, prayer changes things and will forever be relevant in our affairs and desires for as long as we live. Prayer is simply communing with God. So what exactly can be wrong with letting God know how you feel, and how you desire His intervention?
The moment you come to a mental conclusion that the lasting change you desire in your partner will not come by nagging, shouting, murmuring, complaining and frowning, the happier and more fulfilled you will be in your marriage.
You can apply this to the peculiarity of issues you are currently facing. The moment you grab this, the more strategies of conflict management will open up to you.
Let go, manage your conflicts, move on to other things and be happy!
Got other tips you’d like to share? Please, feel free to do so in the comment section.
Written by Coach Tariah