In my series of coaching engagements with my clients, as well as mentoring or counseling sessions with women, I have found a most distressing reality. Women don’t take care of themselves. And not as much as their physical looks or bodies (even though this is present in some of the cases), but their hearts and emotions. It is basically often the question, “if you don’t take care of you, who will?”
We often outsource our emotional and mental care to others, especially family and spouses specifically. Not doing this has been one of the biggest liberations I have experienced in my marriage, and helps me enjoy my husband to the fullness without resentment. Sometimes, he is the last to notice that I am so tired and strained, and I think it is because I don’t wear my weariness on my face plus I can still go like 44km from the moment I first feel overwhelmed. Thus he may not pick my need for rest and renewal early. In the past, I’d quietly grumble about how he is not nurturing me. But lightbulb hit me at a Private Retreat. I am primarily responsible for myself as a grown adult. If I need help, I have to ask. And the way I treat myself is the Memo I give others about how to treat me. It was so hard I felt slapped, but that’s how I got my healing…have you gotten yours?
Listening to women, I hear so much strain, pain, and drain! I can sense and see the stress, the stiffness and struggle. Too much anger at self and others. Too much unmet desires, unmet needs and unfulfilled aspirations. Just too much baggage that doesn’t free you to truly live. Your life was designed to be an upward ride, and it is always tougher to take off when you carry more than you need. You are responsible for what you carry!
Life already has the things I call creative stress. The demands of vision, the pain of growth, the challenges of building a business, the loss of friendships that you outgrow, the sheer difficulty of being vulnerable in an intimate relationship etc. Make sure you are not adding chaotic stress to your life. To help you process chaotic stress, I want you to take some time this week to check out these Eight Toxic Points and confirm if they are operating to any degree in your heart.
1. Fear – What things do you fear or cause you fear in your life? What are you afraid of? What thoughts leave you terrified? What circumstances or people constantly make you experience inner torment?
2. Pain – What things have deeply hurt you, or still traumatize you today? What part of your life, or experience you’ve had or circumstance you faced have created painful memories in you that have NOT yet healed? What current situations in your life aggravate you deeply?
3. Worry – What are the biggest worries in your life today, over which you experience the emotions associated with those outcomes even when they have not happened in reality?
4. Disappointment – What desires have been dashed? What expectations remain unmet? What situation or person is filling you with extreme dissatisfaction, after you had initially felt a sense of hope? Also think of yourself as a possible source – are there any areas of your life where you feel disappointed in yourself?
5. Needs – What material, relational, financial, intellectual or spiritual needs remain unsettled in your life that constantly tugs at your heart quietly, creating a desperate longing or a hunger that is yet to be met.
6. Draining Relationships – Which people in your life bring you a real measure of unfair criticism, tension, negative energy and uncomfortable feelings/ experiences etc. constantly? These relationships drain you, distract you or tire you out.
7. Frustration – What goals are not moving? What plans are not working? What experiences feel like roadblocks in your way?
8. Physical Stress – What demands in your life make you tired, stressed out, weak in your body and overwhelmed in your mind? What parts of your daily routine give you the least measure of satisfaction, but are to be done? How many are actively at work in your life right now? If more than three, you should go and consume the Video Courses in CLEANSE pathway.
I love you and really thank you for letting me share my life with you! Have a beautiful new month!
Written by DDK