As a child, I didn’t like being me. I wanted to be everyone else but me. I was just so sure I didn’t measure up and that I would do better as someone else.
One thing I particularly despised was my name. I didn’t like that I didn’t answer an English name. Why did I have to be the only daughter bearing a native name when my sisters answered English names?
As far as I was concerned, they were preferred by my parents; hence, they landed nice sounding English names. Here was the irony: my name had a great meaning that implied my parents were happy to have me in their lives. But no, the little girl that I was didn’t have time for ironies or stuff like that.
My name was odd around the house, and that was bad as far as I was concerned. This singular scenario became the programming for self-loathing.
I disliked my name more because I got into trouble a lot as a child. So, most of the time, the sound of my name meant it was recompense time, meaning something I had done wrong had been uncovered and I was in deep hot slimy soup. (Like the day I scratched out the eyes from the painting of Jesus my dad had 😥😥😀…story for another day.)
But thank God for the gospel! When the light of God’s word shone, and I began to see me through Abba’s eyes. That was when my liberation came! I began to see that even with my shortcomings, and all the things I didn’t like about me, God still sought me out with love beyond human comprehension.
Early in my life, he began to open me up to exclusive encounters with Him. The change didn’t break out on me overnight, but slowly and surely, I began to reach for myself with an embrace of acceptance.
If He wanted me, then I was somebody. Though I was imperfect, it dawned on me that the potter wanted more than I even wanted. He wanted to mold me daily into His own masterpiece.
Many years have come and gone, and today, I would walk past you if you called me by my English name. Many times, I’ve had to appeal that people stick with the name, Emike, same name I once despised. She is the woman I have grown to know, the woman I am in touch with. With her strengths and flaws, I’d rather be her today, and for always! I’d rather have God work out perfection in her than be someone else.
The only reason I get to include my English name when I write sometimes is because without a face or a voice to my name, many are not sure if it’s a male or female behind the keyboard. Today, I have not only embraced who I am; I am eager to meet, daily, the refined version of me that emerges on my growth journey.
There are tons of women that I admire like gosh!!!They are so phenomenal, but the truth is that the world already has a dose of them. So why replicate them when there’s one more woman out there bearing the gifts of her unique self that the world is yet to see? Gifts that the world needs. Nay! I will never be the reason my world was starved of what the uniqueness of our voices truly sound like.
God gave us all different fingerprints so that we could touch our world in our own unique ways.As long as it pleases the Father’s heart, have no apologies for being you and doing you.
The good we seek doesn’t come until we embrace who we are. What’s that part of you that makes you feel less?Do you wish your accent sounded more polished, more CNN worthy? Or do you wish you had more poise, wore fancier clothes, schooled in some top notch university? The list is endless.
But here is what God needs you to see: you are uniquely crafted, bearing expressions that you alone can effectively convey to your world. While I wanted to a replica of my sisters as a child, God was saying He was fine with who I was, and could make anything out of the individual that I am. Throughout the ages, God has never gloried in repeating designs. He delights in unique manifestations of the works of His hands.
The story of Gideon comes to mind. There he was, fully clad in his self-tailored failure attire. His mind set was fixed about who he was. He felt small and insignificant because of the circumstances surrounding him, just like how I felt about myself while growing up.
But see how our God sees! The angel of the Lord makes an appearance and salutes him with great words: “The Lord is with you MIGHTY WARRIOR.” Gideon comes up with a ready counter response. He had legit reasons to believe he was a failure but still, the angel of the Lord ignores his whining by saying “… Go in the strength THAT YOU HAVE!” The story ends in a landslide victory! (Read Judges Chapter 6 to 7 for the full story).
Regardless of whatever disadvantage you have labelled yourself with, there is value heaped up inside you. You are on the scene because there is that one thing that you and you alone can deliver to your world. You are a voice not an echo. You are an original, not a copy! It is inconsequential how so much more different you look or sound. You are here because you truly count!
Written by Meekay Writes